This is a collection of your favourite taglines.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

It has been discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.

Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Life is sexually transmitted and terminal

COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory.

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

If it aint broke, it aint microsoft!

Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

If you want to know about paranoids, follow them around.

My brain has a mind of its own

Double your disk space - delete Windows.

BREAKFAST.COM halted...cereal port not responding.

C:\CLINTON\TRUTH.COM not found:
(A)bort  (R)etry  (I)mpeach?

I slit my throat on the cutting edge of technology.

Half the people in the world are below average.

I wish Noah had swotted those two flies.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades.

Cross the river THEN insult the alligators.

It's not a STOLEN tagline - just 'previously viewed'.

A running chicken is poultry in motion.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart."

Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, scotty! Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie!"...till you can find a
rock.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.