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Gay Teens
Dear Danny
Dear Danny
Dear Danny

I would like to get to know more about homosexuality.
I have always wondered about the true facts about being homosexual. I would just like to say that your website is very informative and I am trying my best to be able to understand that being gay is a way of life. They don't really support gay rights here in Bermuda.
I was wondering why teenage boys seem to more homophobic than teenage girls. I mean, why are they always trying to prove that they are not gay by avoiding gay people at all costs. I was just wondering and hoping that you could help me understand.
Thank you very much,
A college studen

Wow. Quite a question. :) To answer your specific question about teenage boys vs. teenage girls, my personal belief has to do with society's concept of what is masculine and what is feminine. Teenage boys are under extreme pressue from their friends and family to act within certain critera, which homosexuality is not a part of. Therefore, most teenage boys would try to avoid coming into contact with homosexuality, not always because of fear or hatred, merely because it isn't "normal" according to all their frames of reference.
However, teenage girls are much less pressured to "prove" themselves and their femininity. They are more open to experiment with more alternative lifestyles and people.
Does this help?
With love,

Dear Danny

I have a serious problem. I'm 18 years old and finished with school. Last week I was chatting in a gay chatroom. A guy sent me a pic of a naked guy. Well the next day when I got back from work, I was confronted bye my dad. He wanted to know if I was guy - he didn't ask me that in a very polite way. In fact he was screaming and shouting at me like I was some kind of animal.
It turned out that he went through my computer files and found the pic that was sent to me. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't tell him the truth. It would've killed him.
I only recently ""discovered"" myself and how I feel. I just wasn't prepared.So I had to deny my own sexuality. I know have the problem that my dad doesn't trust me anymore. He doesn't even allow my guy-friends to come and visit me.
Can you please give me advise on what to do about the situation.
I am in desperate need !

Hmm... tricky! Depending on your situation, you have a few alternatives to consider. If you are still dependant on your parents for a room and food, I would suggest (while hating myself for saying this) that you keep a low-profile and not force the issue. Remember, they are human too, and will probably not see things the way you do.

However, if you are financially independant, I would strongly recommend that you move out of your parents home, giving you the freedom to experiment and discover your sexuality without being hindered by your parents. When you are more comfortable with yourself, then you can go back to you parents and explain who and what you are. If they are willing to listen and support you, great, if not -- you're still independant and you can carry on with your life.

Essentially, because you are still under your parents roof, I don't want you to risk losing a place to live! Investigate your options before making a decision.

Oh, and another thing -- I would suggest for anything else downloaded from the Internet: Zip it up into a file called Utils.Zip with a password. Makes it look innocent and even if your dad tries to open it, he'll need the password. You can use WinZIP 7.0 to do this! :)

With love,

I wrote to you earlier and I see you have my e-mail on here as well. I had the problem of my parents finding some pics on my pc. Well I would just like to thank you sooo much for your advice. I followed it through and it is working. I try to keep out of their way as much as I can and I zipped my pics.
You are the greatest and I owe my sanity to you.

Dear Danny

I feel alone and I would like to meet some one can you help me?

I am very alone , I am 17 and I have no one .I know your not a matchmaker but please can you help me.

A very common problem. Maybe you two should meet?
Seriously though, because of your age, I would suggest you make contact with a Gay social group that interests you. These can be social, religious, sporting etc. Quite a few are listed in our 'Business Directory'. There are great people out there waiting to meet you.
Love and pride

Dear Danny
I am nearly 20 and I am strongly attracted to men. The problem is that I do not want anyone to know. I am very strong willed and see no other option but to keep my sexuality a secret. I refuse to be looked at funny and be discriminated against. What are your thoughts?
Gay(I think) and confused

You cant be happy and stay hidden forever. Are you perhaps worried how your parents will react? Parents are great! The love they have for you soon overtakes any of the other feelings that they might have when hearing of your sexuality. If they love you, they will help to protect you.
Unless you are a great actor, your sexuality will always be questioned. The people that love you will always respect you and you will respect yourself. We are lucky to be living in a country which makes discrimination illegal. By acknowledging your sexuality you can walk with pride and self-respect.

Dear Danny,

I am 17 and in Matric. This is already a very hard year for me with all the exams and my sporting commitments, and now I am facing a strong sexual desire to experiment. I have always felt different, so realising my sexual preference for other boys was not a big shock and I am secretly at peace with myself for being gay. I just am not happy that other people are prevented from knowing this because of all the prejudice. How do I meet other like minded guys without putting myself at risk of being beaten up, humiliated or even expelled. Is there a social club?
Cricket Lover (but stumped), Parktown North

Dear Cricket Lover,
The unfortunate thing is that there are no social clubs that we know of here for Gay teenagers, primarily because they are not too well supported. Most young guys sneak off to nightclubs and from there get to meet other young guys that manage to get through the door.
I'm not encouraging you to go to a club, especially not since you have your matric to complete. Also, you are eventually going to have to face the prejudice one day, and I think it is wise that you not go bouncing out the closet straight away (no pun intended) this could add some severe stress to an already hectic year for you, rather relieve yourself with some spunky magazines. Fantasy is very healthy and far safer. And soon, I am pretty sure you will meet someone who will bowl you over and help you enjoy a new "wicket"
Love and pride,

Dear Danny
What can be done in schools to make Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Youth a more accepted part of a growing society.
Concerned and supportive teacher, Tafelsig

Dear Teacher
Thank You for a wonderful question, here are a few recommendations

1. Inservice training for all staff.
2. Parent presentations in the evenings.
3. Classroom speakers.
4. Include gay, lesbian, bisexual resources in school resource lists.
5. Include gay-sensitive books in libraries.
6. Establish anti-slur policy in each school.
7. Include discussion of gay, lesbian, bisexual issues in the class
as with any other minority issues.
8. Enact anti-discrimination policies that safeguard sexual
orientation in teacher contracts.
9. Designate gay-sensitive staff persons at each school site to act
as resource persons for sexual minority youth.
10. Implement a program specifically designed to meet the needs of
the gay, lesbian, bisexual minority such as Project 10 in Los
11. Provide positive role-models, both historical (Michelangelo, Gertrude Stein, James Baldwin) and current (especially teachers and other on site-staff), as with any other minority.

Love and pride

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Write to Danny
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