The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice
that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This
was particularly interesting, because the institution already
had a "Lord Nelson."
The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put
the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of
their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would
help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for
the two men might react violently to one another, but they were
introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard
from the room that night.The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson."
"That's wonderful," said the doctor. "Who are you?"
Smiling coyly, the patient replied, "I'm Lady Nelson."
A gay man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist
whether he sells extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies,
"Yes we do. We stock the 'Magnum' brand by Trojan. Would you
like to buy some?"
He responds, "No sir. But would you mind if I waited around here
until someone does?"
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years...
I wonder how the girls are doing?"
Boss, to four of his employees:
"I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me Buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast, it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:
"I think I might be gay..."
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply.
The guy was about to repeat himself when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don"t you ever complain about my cooking again!"
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down upon the small white guy and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints!
The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?".
The big guy looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says "Thank God, I thought you said, "Turn around."