Coming out to non-gay people

Once we have recognized and accepted our gayness, and have shared it with some other gay people, it becomes more realistic and more fruitful to share the fact of our  orientation with non-gay people in our lives such as parents, relatives, friends, and co-workers.

It would undoubtedly be helpful to share and discuss coming out experiences with other gay people. We can often learn from one another's experiences. Many gay and lesbian organizations devote programs to "coming out issues" from time to time.

A great many people advocate coming out to people in person. Others have had very successful experiences coming out through letters. Sometimes a letter can be easier on you and may allow the non-gay persons to have their own "shock reactions" in private before you get there. Whether you come out in person or by letter it is important to see it as an on-going process. Your relatives or friends will almost certainly have questions and feelings which will require a response.

Prior to actually coming out, many people have found it helpful to drop some hints or to test the waters. Without explicitly stating you are gay, you can indicate with whom you are spending time or that you are not planning on marriage. You can discuss homosexuality in a general way in order to sound out the attitudes of non- gay people. You can let them know that you have lesbian or gay friends who are important to you. Such steps often make the actual revelation of your own gayness less expected.